baby steps

The journey since the fire has been excruciating and difficult for both us…….we’ve done the journeying separately and together. Circumstances dictated that I return to the land and that he didn’t. I couldn’t turn my back on the one place that had afforded us so much hope and joy, in the wake of the fire, when all seemed utterly lost and broken, clinging to the one thing that had given both of us so much pleasure and pain was my only option, but not his. His reasons for not returning were complicated, mine were more simplistic.

Since returning to the land I  have :

had remains of house removed, upsetting

sold scrap metal (twice, long story), boring

had new driveway made from old house, expensive

bought a caravan, weird and exciting

caravan bought - 1

had caravan moved to site of burnt house, macabre

caravan moving - 1

had metal structure built over caravan from burnt crap and some new crap, resourceful

metal structure - 1.jpg

had battery house built, and solar stuff bought and installed, deja vu

battery house - 1 (1).jpg

had grape wires and posts replaced, expensive

had over 80 olive trees pruned or chopped down, distressing and hard work

olive pruning - 1 (1)

had a chunk of burnt forest removed, relief

firewood - 1 (1).jpg

painted the crap out of the caravan, exhausting but satisfying

painting - 1

removed loads of stuff from caravan, freeing

rubbish - 1

had bore hole pump fixed, strenuous and mucky

bore hole pump - 1

had running water plumbed into outdoor sink, luxurious

sink - 1

made myself a loo, with an old chair, a Leatherman and a rusty saw, awesome

enjoyed the cowboy shower, familiar

In between all this, I’ve nurtured the gardens

Planted new trees

Saved some flower seeds

had the world’s smallest wood burner installed, very very necessary

Completing all this has given me such a huge sense of achievement, creating an almost instant home, a place to lick my wounds was utterly necessary, siting it where I have was almost like a calling, one that I could not ignore

I have hope again, hope where there was none, a feeling that I never, ever want to feel again
It has filled my heart with joy, to see the land restore itself, hear the river running, listen to the buzzards playing, the owls calling at night all the sounds that were so familiar to me, the sounds that told me I was home, the sounds that gave me comfort and held me when nothing else could.
This is a place that welcomes me, enriches me and anchors me….the process is almost complete, it’s job almost done, it’s nearly time to move on, the shortening of the days offers time to rest and reflect, the dawning of the next chapter will emerge as the sun starts to rise in the sky and the days are no longer dark……


15 thoughts on “baby steps

  1. Well done for facing it so gracefully and providing the rest of us with the details for inspiration. I love the caravan interior refurbished. I wish you a much easier and happier year ahead – but not to deny how great you’ve made this year, in spite of it all, so well done for all you’ve done – and undone.

  2. Your strength, stamina, courage, tenacity and resilience is astounding, you have seen the light through the darkness and brought the impossible back to life. So proud to know you as a friend and the amazing woman you are. If only we all had the vision you have. Well done you.

  3. Thank you for updating us. I came across your blog through a tree surgeons forum and found it awe-inspiring. I do wish you both all the best for the future and i do hope that you both are able to heal from the traumatic experience. H

  4. Hi Sarah. Great to read your blog and how you are rebuilding , mind body and spirit as well as the land and your home. Your strength is incredible. Harness it and keep going! Xxx

  5. A journey it certainly has been…. mostly sad, but some happy moments too! What you & Rick (& many others) have been through is incomprehensible, we cannot even begin to imagine what an emotional rollercoaster you have had to ride – but you have been amazing Sarah, you should be very proud of what you have achieved. Nature is repairing itself, you two are too. We are intrigued about the next chapter dear friends….! 😉

  6. It’s been a while since I’ve visited… but a few months back I was sorry to hear how you had been affected by the fires. It’s wonderful to see you rise up again from a place that is clearly woven into the very fabric of you. Wishing you courage and strength on this journey x

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