Lidl breakdowns

Since the fire, I have obviously been grieving but also trying to get on with all the paperwork, logistical stuff, organising the dogs, sorting ourselves out, just on a basic level, with clothing etc..this has preoccupied me, in a good way…..now the ash has settled, life is returning, we are trying to take better care of ourselves, take time out together and apart, do some physical work, exercise, relax, laugh and spend time with friends

Sometimes I wake after only a few minutes of sleeping and weep as I’ve remembered something else that I will never see or touch again…..little things….the things that made up my life, the things I’d spent a life-time collecting or momentoes I’d kept, because of who’d given them to me or some special significance they had……..the things that told my story, treasures

I know on a philosophical level, those things don’t make me who I am, it’s besides the point, they were my things and now I don’t have them, I will never have them again, I know I can collect new things that will also have meaning and tell another story, but not that one…..that story has ended, the memories I will still have (until that fails me too)…….so now we have to build a new life with all the little bits and that is what I am finding hard to do

Every time I try to go food shopping, I go with a basic list, I come out with what I went in there for, but I always have a breakdown, I find myself staring at something on a shelf and crying…….today it was vanilla pods, they were available, and they were about €2 for one pod, it wasn’t the price or that they had never had them in Lidl before, it was that I have lost so much more than just the things that went towards making our life….I have lost the desire to cook…..this has never really happened to me before..

Those that know me or have followed the blog, will know that I love my food, I love growing it, I love cooking it, I love eating it and I love sharing it……I don’t love any of it now

I have spent my entire adult life collecting the perfect utensils

the hard to find spices, the most beautiful crockery, antique Georgian glasses, gorgeous tea towels, brilliant cookery books, handed down recipes


the list is endless, and everyday I remember something else….we can build a new home and we are starting our new story, the things will come when the time is right but that time is not now

 

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6 thoughts on “Lidl breakdowns

  1. Oh Sarah, we cannot begin to even comprehend what you and Rick must be going through in this respect. Life may never be the same again – you will always be thinking of things you haven’t got anymore, that’s understandable. We’re sure your love for cooking will come back, you’ll remember recipes, make them up as you go along, collect new books. One thing’s for sure though, already you are both showing grit, determination & a continued zest for life. Life. You are still alive with a life to lead, you will carry on. Love you xx

  2. Dear Sarah and Rick I have just read your blog , and my heart goes out to you both.It will take a long time to recover from all of this,I keep going over what you must have lost and I don’t know half of it.Sadly you will feel griefstricken for however long it takes for you. What I know of you both is that given time you will rise above this. All my love and hugs Molly xxxxxx

  3. Hi Rick and Sarah, I wish I could heal your broken hearts will beautiful words but I can’t. You are both so strong, so determined and so powerful so all I send is love, freakin wheelbarrows full of love and socially unacceptably long hugs and hair strokes and trust that you will rise from the ashes and be creating once more. xx

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