Life is shit

I was wondering why, when I read everyone else’s blogs they are always so positive and upbeat, I’d had some ideas about this before and often felt like I myself was being a bit smug every time i posted some wonderfully positive event on my blog.

I haven’t written much lately for lots of reasons but mostly because nothing in “my” world has been good. So I got to thinking that maybe I should break with tradition and write about something negative and crap. Life is not always just about all the good things that happen, it can’t be, anyone who tells you (through their blog or otherwise) is a liar or deluded or very very lucky/fortunate.

I am living in an area of outstanding beauty, I’ve chosen to live a different way of life, I don’t have to get up every day and work for someone else, I can eat when I want, go to work when I want and go to bed when I want.
All that sounds pretty good eh? yup and nope.

I am not always enjoying myself, in fact lately it’s been the opposite, I feel guilty because I feel like I “should” be enjoying myself or at least grateful. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about feeling crap about my amazing life, because it’s somehow seen as ungrateful or negative.

It can be very isolating and lonely not to mention confusing. The events of the past months have been quite overwhelming and although we have recovered (not financially) we are up and running again, it has knocked me and my confidence for six.

I am often not sure what the hell I am supposed to be doing here, other than being a housewife and occasional vegetable grower and livestock rearer. That doesn’t cut it for me and I don’t know how to make it cut it for me. This is the first time in my life that I haven’t had a job, either working for someone else or myself, it’s the first time in my life that I haven’t had to get up at the crack of dawn everyday. It’s the first time in my life that I haven’t had to be somewhere on Monday morning. One day blends in to another, weeks whizz by and then months and I seem to have achieved nothing. I can’t help with the house build as it’s really too physical at this stage, I can’t grow any vegetables because it’s too flipping hot. I can’t go outside because it makes my head hurt. I never thought I would say this but I actually hate the sun and wonder what in god’s name I was thinking when I suggested moving to Portugal.

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8 Responses to Life is shit

  1. Fraser says:

    Life is only shit if you view it from a certain perspective. Meditate for example, on being in the gaza strip, carpet bombed by nuclear tipped fuck you bombs, or any other piece of crap thats going on in this hell on earth world.
    Live each day and take pleasure in the smallest beauty, some days just to stand tall and walk your path is a great victory, goals and achievments are part of the consensual matrix illusions to skrew you up.
    Keep on keeping on for it cant get much worse, can it?
    Love and energy to you and yours

  2. Anonymous says:

    Try looking for an inner purpose beyond the animals and veggies, a reason to get up early in the morning and get going. What are your passions? Not sure, begin exploring, start a notebook to fill with ideas as they come to you. To pull yourself out of the dump try helping others, human, animal, it doesn't matter. Spend a little time focussed on the good, let the bad drop away. Kate

  3. Anonymous says:

    Can I just say a heart felt thank you for such an honest 'real' life post. I have been reading your blog finding it very interesting for a wee while with the intention of learning about life in Portugal. We are thinking about buying the 'dream' in Portugal next spring. What your post showed me was that sometimes life is just shit no matter where or what your circumstances are. The 'dream' and the stimulating challenges that comes with it becomes reality with all of its twists and turns and full of the mundane. I choose to stay at home a couple of years ago and understand how you feel. It is only lately through reading the blog that I am beginning to value being a homemaker and all that it encompasses. I am trying to get into a routine seeing it as a 'job' that I have to get up early for Mon -Fri self disciplining myself as I would if I still had a business to run. Time off and breaks also need to be factored in so there are things to look forward to. I know that if I don't do this now to try and cut it as a homemaker here in Scotland then there is no point in me trying to do the same in Portugal. So thankyou for helping me see the reality amongst the 'dream'.
    Can I ask you Sarah why you and Rick decided to move to Portugal? I have read about you leaving England but don't know what spurred you on to change your way of life. Wishing you all the best Maggie

  4. Wendy says:

    It's true that a lot of blogs tend to sound unnaturally upbeat, but I think – for me anyway – that it's simply because when things aren't going so great the urge to communicate evaporates. One phrase that's helped me though the shit countless times: “what you resist persists”. So don't fight it, push it away, suppress it. Dive right into the heart of it. Then you have the chance of turning the shit into the compost that'll make your garden grow, literally and metaphorically. Who knows why we're here? Does there have to be a purpose? Maybe it's all about getting things right back to basics. To simplicity …

  5. I think you know... says:

    Dear lovely Sarah,

    I think what you need is a 3 course meal.

    To start, something light, tasty and juicy which will leave you wanting more…

    For the main, something so delicious and filling you will be rolling around the floor afterwards.

    For desert, something which will look and sound so scrumptious you WILL force it down on top of the delicious main course… then be sick.

    To drink CAIPIRINHAS, lots of them.

    To finish, a very drunk group of people turning this shit into a Diamond.

    Wednesday/Thursday this week. BE THERE OR BE SQUARE.

    With love and all that other squidgy stuff,

    Ema x

  6. Maggie
    Thanks for your comment, it seems that you really understood what I was trying to say, so thanks for that. If you send me your email address we can have a more personal discussion about why we decided on Portugal. Look forward to hearing from you

  7. michelle says:

    Hi Sarah,I am sorry to hear you are having a tough time of it recently.we all have good and bad times and its difficult when you are 'living the dream' to allow yourself to be miserable.I say enjoy the negative feelings and even wallow in them if you wish cause you know that its a blip only and it will change again as the seasons do.Living in Portugal can be harsh despite the surrounding beauty and changing a long lived lifestyle for a new one in a new country is difficult at the best of times.The summer heat is passing ,you can get out more now ,visit friends ,eat good food and remember why you decided to move in the first place.If its right for you then you will stick with it.I wish we could afford to be there all the time…michelle

  8. robin says:

    'Desiderada'! Read it, if you haven't and read it again and again, even if you have alrerady! You know it maybe…'Go placidy amid the noise and the haste. Remember what peace there may be in silence' etc….

    You'll be able to find it via Google I'm sure! Anyway, it works for me, even it it sometimes appears a wee bit cliched..ignore that sensation (just the ego trying to cause confusion, which it is really good at by the way!)and look at the deeper, perennial meanings! Hope this helps. Whereabouts are you in Portugal? We are about to move to Serpins. Robin

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