The journey since the fire has been excruciating and difficult for both us…….we’ve done the journeying separately and together. Circumstances dictated that I return to the land and that he didn’t. I couldn’t turn my back on the one place that had afforded us so much hope and joy, in the wake of the fire, when all seemed utterly lost and broken, clinging to the one thing that had given both of us so much pleasure and pain was my only option, but not his. His reasons for not returning were complicated, mine were more simplistic.
Since returning to the land I have :
had remains of house removed, upsetting
sold scrap metal (twice, long story), boring
had new driveway made from old house, expensive
bought a caravan, weird and exciting
had caravan moved to site of burnt house, macabre
had metal structure built over caravan from burnt crap and some new crap, resourceful
had battery house built, and solar stuff bought and installed, deja vu
had grape wires and posts replaced, pointless (most of the grapes never recovered)
had over 80 olive trees pruned or chopped down, distressing and hard work
had a chunk of burnt forest removed, relief
painted the crap out of the caravan, exhausting but satisfying
removed loads of stuff from caravan, freeing
had bore hole pump fixed, strenuous and mucky
had running water plumbed into outdoor sink, luxurious
made myself a loo, with an old chair, a Leatherman and a rusty saw, awesome
enjoyed the cowboy shower, familiar
In between all this, I’ve nurtured the gardens
Planted new trees
Saved some flower seeds
had the world’s smallest wood burner installed, very very necessary
Completing all this has given me such a huge sense of achievement, creating an almost instant home, a place to lick my wounds was utterly necessary, siting it where I have was almost like a calling, one that I could not ignore
I have hope again, hope where there was none, a feeling that I never, ever want to feel again
It has filled my heart with joy, to see the land restore itself, hear the river running, listen to the buzzards playing, the owls calling at night all the sounds that were so familiar to me, the sounds that told me I was home, the sounds that gave me comfort and held me when nothing else could.
This is a place that welcomes me, enriches me and anchors me….the process is almost complete, it’s job almost done, it’s nearly time to move on, the shortening of the days offers time to rest and reflect, the dawning of the next chapter will emerge as the sun starts to rise in the sky and the days are no longer dark……
